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Agata Teresa Siniarska:

- weather reporter since april 2011 till march 2012

- dreamer, still dreamer, in a dreamy looking-glass-land

- woman in love, passionately dying from love

- widow, with a great taste to exclusive funerals

- rope-dancer in the company of old shadows

- virus, impossible to kill

- insect with the manifesto of disgust between spindly legs

- experimentator, trying and trying, and trying, and trying

- interpretator, in no time

- believer, till the end

- non-believer, since this is the end

- inventor of the crying machine

- mystic, or better - scientist

- fortune-teller - she knows what will be in the next chapter

- pirates hunter – but as a retired officer she gave up this business allowing them to

adhere to their humping principles

- vixen, having sophisticated approach towards sexuality and ethics

- revolutionist, with a strong need of statement

- dead corpse with a potentiality of being alive...but later

- solist

What she can say about herself – she doesn’t like a taste of jasmin tea and cannot answer the question “who killed Palmer?”

Her biggest passion in life was turning back, running to the wall with the whole cinematic vocabulary of gestures and turning back even more dramatic. She was turning in many places of Amsterdam, she was turning in many places of Berlin. Now she decided to stop. She will still repeat this gesture many times on the stage but only as a reanactment.

Now she will be transforming. She will be transforming simuntanously - silently in the cocoon and gradually as a tornado.

This is what she will do, under many names, under many conditions. When she will finish, she will reach to the moon, heaven or simply hell.

Now, she is saying THE END!


As Agata Siniarska awoke one morning, she found herself transformed into a digusting insect.

Men couldn’t stand looking at her, even for a small moment. They run away when she was sticking out her bones out of her ribcage in the ecstasy. They run away when she was exposing her dried nipples.
They run away when she was swinging on her two spindly legs with the huge smile of a porn star.

As Agata Siniarska awoke one morning, she found herself transformed into a disgusting insect. Lady Vanishes, this was her new name. This was her manifesto towards a new feminity!

Female body, the whole concept of feminity where being a sexbomb is a fundamental principle, belongs to heterosexual men, to male gaze and for male gaze.
I don’t have a body. The man is its owner and he is the one who can choose if it’s worth to look at. I can only choose underwear, smile and a porn website where I can put myself on the plate, ready to be consumed.

Knowing from experience that I have no power to fight against this position, as a woman who doesn’t agree on objectification from masculin gaze, I decided to be unsexy.
I want to be a woman that can still wear dresses, highheel shoes and make up ( there is no reason to resign form that ) but with the body totally transformed.
I will gain the new female body that is not fragmentarized, raped, validated, criticized, desired or not, chosen or not, in the line of competitions of other bodies.
I will be repulsive, I will be a virus.
I will not be living in the illusion that I can stand above mechanisms but I will stay inside, being unbearable component of the society, unstandable for every men.
They will feel pity, maybe sorry, but what for sure, they will not stand me naked.
I will have a body that has nothing to offer.
My choice is a political choice, a statement, ulimately connected with society. Transformation will be my everyday practice, practice of rejecting feminity being understood by men. If women can so easily be consumed, I can consume my body as well.

The new era is coming! Women, lets stand under the same flag!
Madonnas and Venuses will dissapear from the pictures.
The independence – for the revolution!
The revolution – for the liberation!

We won’t serve the pleasure!
We won’t be choosen by you!
We won’t be tasty!
We won’t be your temptation!
We won’t be yours!
We will be close to you and out of your control!
We will be free from your gazes!

I will have long hair, nice smile, pretty face and I will be opening my legs widely everytime when you will be opening your favourite porn site. I will be there waiting for you, totally available and transformed. I will be there, your disgusting Eastern European beauty waiting in your favourite sexuall position.
You can smell my stinky dry vagina with suppressed menstruation while I will be screaming with my voiceless body from pleasure. I will be horny sticking my bones out of my skin and I will be satisfied seeing your giagantic penis.

If I stay alone, means that revolution needs next generation, the generation of our children I’m preparing now to a new world!
If I die - what is death if not a potentiality of life!

C’mon boy fuck me deeply! Fuck my disguisting body!

This is me, Lady Vanishes, total female autonomy!

The netting web has already started, and sooner or later it will catch you boy!

( check at )


With special thanks to Andrei Tarkovsky for permission to publish this letter, the last letter of Agata Siniarska as Agata Siniarska.

HOLA! Magazine 10th of March 2012


The funeral of Agata Siniarska took place more than one month ago but just today her friends and lovers, after time consuming police investigation, using the opportunity of Berlin Film Festival 2012, decided to share this shocking information with the press.

The funeral took place on the small cementary, not in Rome like it was expected by her fans, but in Berlin when Siniarska spent her last months before her sucidal death.

Since the ceremony was closed for the press, it supposed to be very calm and intimate, with friends and people from cinema world – admirators of her talent and work. Besides Andrei Tarkovsky, the closest companion during the last months of Siniarska’s life, at the funeral appeared among others  Federico Fellini, Alain Delon, Monica Vitti, Jeanne Moreau, Juillete Binoche and Stanley Kubrik.

During the moment when the coffin with Siniarska’s body supposed to be put down to the grave, the ceremony was stopped by appaling scream –

“Ladies and gentlemen! Here is divinity assuming another form of existence. Here is the miracle...Stop!
You are all accused. Stand up! I will speak to you only if you are standing!”.

Javier Bardem just before rage attack

The scream belongs to noone but Javier Bardem, with whom Siniarska finished their hot affair last summer in Amsterdam.
The gathered took this situation as another Bardem’s break down. It is well know that since Siniarska left him, his alcoholism started, after her death reaching the zenith.
“Stand up. Stand up.
Stand up as for national anthem!
Stand up for God save the king!
Stand up as before the flag!”
- he screamed.
The gathered were trying to cool down the whole situation but agressive Bardem wasn’t in the mood to stop him, he run towards the grave and with one movement of his spanish arms, opened the coffin.
What a shock when instead of rotten corpse, the guests found inside nothing but the letter signed by Siniarska.
People were convulsed, Monica Vitti with her cinematographic charm fell to the knees of Stanley Kubrik, as well as Federico Fellini to Binoche’s.

Bardem still screaming:
“Nothing, you see nothing.
It’s like your paradise: nothing
It’s like your heroes: nothing
It’s like your artists: nothing
Whistle, cry, smash my mouth and then I will tell you again, there is nothing.

She is the revolution!”

Till now it is the only information known to the public. The letter is in the hand of Andrei Tarkovsky with the promise of soon publishing.

The retrospective of Agata Siniarska will take place in Arsenal at Potzdamer Platz on 17th of February, the date when Siniarska supposed to be honored with the Berlinale's Honorary Golden Bear for lifetime achievement. 
Because of health problems and current rehab, Javier Bardem will not host this ceremony.

More to come


Agata Siniarska, great Polish artist is dead. Her body was found hanging under the palmtree in Berlin.
The forensisch evidence adjudged the cause of dead was LOVE. In Siniarska’s stomach was found  substantial dose of medication, her lungs were overfilled with water, her two wrists had deep cuts made with a sharp knife. Plausibly Siniarska swollened  pills, cut her veins, while drowning in the bathtub and after that hung herself. The order of the actions is still not confirmed by the coroner.

Agata Siniarska was one of the most important person in contemporary cinema. She started her brilliant career with Fritz Lang movie “Metropolis” where she created a role of Maria, the pure-at-heart teacher and the machine-version of her. After that Andrei Tarkovsky  proposed her a role of Neutrina Girl in his “Solaris” claiming that this character was created only for her. At the Cannes Film Festival, “Solaris” won the Grand Prix Spécial du Jury and Siniarska was nominated for the Best Actress Award. From that moment her career started to bloom.
In 2008 she met Michelangelo Antonioni with whom she made three movies, "L’Aventura", "La Notte" and "L’eclisse". Siniarska received critical praises for starring roles, including twice Best Actress Award Prix d'interpretation feminine at Cannes Film Festival for "L’Aventura" and "L’eclisse".
From the moment they met Siniarska and Antonioni become both great artistic and love tandem. Their affair started just before their first movie. Being for a long time a secret, hidden from newspapers and artistic world, yet their love and mutual fascination became so explosive that it was impossible to hide.
Unfortunately their liaison, full of love, Antonioni's ambiguity and Siniarska's volcanic temperament came to the destructive point. Their relationship ended two months before Antonini’s death.
From that moment Siniarska started to desperately forget herself in short affairs changing partners one after the other. The most famous was the one with Spanish actor Javier Bardem. Althought it looked very serious, Siniarska left him after three months, without any reason ,as she claimed.

Siniarska and Bardem after Antonioni’s funeral.

Agata Siniarska died from love. 
Antonioni was the one and only, longing him put her to such a tragic decision, confessed her best friend M. fighting with tears attack. Such a differentiations but couldn't live without each other. What was the reason of Michelangelo's death? Longing. He loved her so much, she was his inspiration, his life, his biggest fascination. I still don’t understand why they put their love in a dagger so many times. 
Agata could forgive him many things, including his defects but not the fact that he died for real without her permission. Her sadness reached the critical point and since till now her identity was constituted by love ( like in case of every innocent Polish girl), she decided to die from love. So she did.

The one and only love, Siniarska and Antonioni together.

The funeral will take place on 7th of January. It is still not confirmed where the ceremony will take place.

Hola! Magazine,, 1st of January 2012


Space-time continuum, on the left side stands choir of sacred prostitutes-vixens, on the other side stands crowd of lovers, among them Michelangelo Antonioni and Javier Bardem. Agata classically dressed with the strong make-up smudged from eternal crying is dragging three huge black plastic bags along ( there is no secret, the bodies are inside ). The first one is marked as TRAUMA A, the second one – TRAUMA B, the third one as TRAUMA C.
Siniarska stops in the middle of the stage, putting bags regularly on the ground, then picks her heart with a spoon and puts in its place the clock-timer set for 5 minutes.

I'm a woman with traumas left with questions without answers and problems without solutions. Everything in my life was about love, love to everyone and everything and love and my narcistic neurosis, through the imaginative representation were approaching me again and again towards movie is done, I decided to finish my life.

Siniarska takes a knife and following Xmas spirit, she cuts her vains under the christmas tree.

I officially resign form the status of a princess. Thank you my dear father for the identity I couldn’t inherit from you, that with your provenance you couldn’t give it to me, your blood doesn’t legitimize any social status.

I officially resign from the status of an artist. I cannot answer the question what art wants from me besides frustration of my fake existence.

I officially resign from world economy. I'm tired of being starving superhero. I wish to be spoiled by iphones, ipads, ipods, ibooks, ichairs, iclothes, idinners and idrinks.

Siniarska comes inside the bathtub filled with water and compulsively crying she begins to overfill it with weeping tears.

– a short monologue for an actress that was truly believing in happy ends and now suffers because every happy end always has its end between the legs of another princess.
The monologue should be said loud standing in the bathtub, with left hand on the head in the gesture of despair. After a while the actress should start to bend her knees ( still with the hand in the gesture of despair ) to make level of the water closer to the lips and later further, till the moment she starts drowning. If she has bad timing, she won’t finish her monologue:

I’m drowning, I’m drowning. I’m drowning into the sea of my suffer. I’m dreaming about leaving into blissful state where noone touches me any longer.
I grew up on tales about frogs and princes, how should I know that the frog after a kiss turns into the reptile with a huge penis.
I don’t blame anyone but I refuse to play a game where the rules do not fit to my dress that constricts my waist, even if underlines it nicely.
Maybe I jump into this septic tank by myself, maybe it is my mother and her mother that gave me this privileged place in our society.

It’s too late for long important monologues, I have just drown.

After drowning, Agata comes out from the bathtub, she carries the sofa to the middle of the room, sits on it and swallows substantial dose of medication.

I officially resign from the status of a woman in love. I’m tired of being constantly betrayed and desperate. I gave everything, did everything what I could–for some of them I’m still carrying a coffin.

I love you, noone else” you claimed yesterday
and so easy you had heart’s battles the next day
Later you were begging in front of my door
but jumping into new pussy four days before?
You are going tasting palms in Istambul
You really think, really think I am such a fool?

Chorus: you were going tasting palm/s in Istambul
              Why you want, you want make out of her fool?

I don't need to listen anymore
how much another girl's „work” you adore
I don't want any pathetic excuse
you wish you could towards me use

You're not half the man you think you are
Save your words because you've gone too far
I've listened to your lies and every story
But I know exactly your girl’s inventory
I am leaving here three traumas, my burden, this is fin
Saying last time goodbye, I want to dissappear

Chorus: She’s leaving here her traumas, her burden, this is fin
               Saying last time goodbye, hope you dissapear

Chorus: Today allow yourself for big sorrow
               You will be non-stressed corpse from tomorrow
               You cannot endlessly it prolong
               It was your time to sing goodbye song

I officially resign form the status of a goddess.

I’m a goddess, always, constantly, in every second, without any break and hesitation.
I’m a goddess that you’re trying to force to be another letter in your alphabet, option one from many. It’s so easy to see men’s desperation in the fragments of situations. None of you catch me up with creativity and reflection.
All of you is so afraid of me, of my power that to kill it, you are trying to put me to the zero level, deprive of my divinity, contaminar and disgrace me till the moment I won’t stop remind you about your failings but I will always be here even if I am not here, in your thoughts. You can rape me, assault me, pretend to be the greatest and you will never ever forget me. You will curse me ( some of you have already started ), trying to erase me.
You will be begging me to stay and to let you go.
The thought of me will be eating you from outside everyday and every night, every moment when I will stop remember your names. The thought of me will be your gap, mistake in the system, disturbtion in every of your thought, error, red light. Always always, always. I will be the biggest lack in your miserable life. Consolation will never ever come. The more you are trying to disgrace me, the biggest sacred and profligate I become.

She starts to sing:

After the song, Siniarska gets to Bardem greedily, she tears off his clothes and drags him along towards the side door:

Bardem, come here, take off your clothes, I need to manhandle myself before the next death!


Emptiness, surrounding, scary, pathetic silence.

There is noone on the audience, from the back, the coldness of decision blows from afar.

Siniarska puts the rope around her neck and stands on the chair.

Antonioni, the one and only, the death took your voice but also the power of your silence. Now it takes mine. Thanks to you I understand now that love has no happy end...but I wish to be naive believing we could
right now run away in the most pathetic way from this situation. 
The most pathetic that is possible in the cinema.

Agata shivers from cold and fear, she feels on her neck clamping hands of death.

She looks blankly in the empty space.

Love, My Love, why did you leave me?

She falls over a chair and starts her last agony.

Jamon Jamon

Where the men eat jamon and women eat men

Agata Siniarska, after distressing silence, appeared again on the crystal screen. This time as a star in a latest movie of Bigas Luna Jamon Jamon.

What motivated my decision to work with Bigas is a simple fact. This movie came out from the mixture of mad temperature, spicy food, alcohol and constant view of naked, Spanish bodies.

For these few deluxe items, you cannot do anything but become a hungry animal

– confesses Siniarska licking her lips coloured by red chanel lipstics –

Why not, from time to time, after exclusive meal, to loose ourselves in elementary animal sexuality. Entering the body through mouth, penetration, the open, causes so violent and exciting disorder, that great happiness resembles not so much pleasure, as its opposite, great suffering. The movement of love, because everything what I touch, what I do I connect with love, the movement of love taken to the last limits of motion can be mortal. In the end it just might be the reason why so many people killed themselves because of me or more, asked me to be killed by me, should I mention - in a very cruel way? Cruelty wasnt my choice, of course, it was a gift for all these suffering hearts, a sacrifaction of mine ethics. Without Judas there wouldnt be resurrection. Without me there wouldnt be pleasure of love.

Cruelty can find a vent only in perversion but in my case, exquisite perversion.

Perversion is everything what disguists human beings. Ahhh, I love it! Disguist to myself is the pick of experience in my subjectivity. To be close to disguist – to smell it, to see it, touch it..the tactile sensation of slime , ooze and wriggly, slithery, creepy things. In the end we are born between the dung and urine.

I know I can afford on everything.

Many years ago I was the vixen. At the end of my tailbone I had a tail, fluffy, flexible antenna in silver-white color. The tail could be bigger and smaller: at rest is 10-15 centimeters, such as medium-sized penis, in a state activity might reach 1 meter length ( here compare to men's erections would not carry out ). Tail in my life was playing a special role, it was the antenna, via which the body creates the illusion. With it I was bringing darkness. The illusion could have various nature, depends on the individual properties of vixes, her imagination, spiritual strength and specific traits. As a prostitute, I created an illusion of sexual intercourse, to give a chance to people to go as far as I went in my sexual love fantasies but what was my biggest disappointment - men are too simple for that, they want nothing but cheap images, almost the same positions ( exposing only obvious parts of the body ), the same environment ( domestic situations, welcome in tropics...), cheap stories, typical "beauty" with eliminating personality ( check ), zero level of secret, fantasy.. just to play, no game, no ambiguity, german sausage on the alexander platz. Why? Men dont understand that animality is a sophisticated approach towards sexuality the same as it is needed towards aesthetics but what they want …. I will not go into details, it is sad to look at your man-victim when he reflects on his fantasies and is alone in the ring. This was the reason I stopped to be vixen, I couldnt stand men and their poor sexual desires.

In fact, I liked men ( this is not a task for Wittgenstein ), I liked to associate with them even though they are biological failure but I didnt care that much about that, even if I had to deal with their frustration that they will never become a woman ( men’s gene Y that has incomplete amount of chromosomes will never reach the level of women’s gene X ).

I still love from time to time to objectify myself. Why not. I love to expose myself in relation to the masculine gaze ( after all objectification is a personification of an object ). To objectify myself not only as a bitch but above all as a non-human. It’s fascinating to be non-human!

I can give myself out to the left and right and pretend generousity. I can shake my head like Jackie Kennedy Onnasis and open my eyes in surprise, in her favorite pose. I can tweet as firstclass mate girl. I can afford it all, why not?

White vixen, I was always tasteful, whoever and whatever I became.

Becoming-animal is only one of my becomings amongs others. All my becomings! Intense, becoming-animal, becoming-imperceptible. Becoming and multiplicity are the same thing. A multiplicity is not defined by its elements, nor by a center of unification or comprehension. It is defined by the number of dimensions it has. It is not divible, it cannot lose or gain a dimension without changing its nature. Miltiplicity is continually transforming itself into a string of other multiplicities. Each multiplicity is simbiotic, its becoming ties together animals, plants, microorganisms, mad particles, whole galaxy,

I have an ability to change/swap the functions of individual body parts with other . I don't need to constitute my content.

I am insatiable in my transformation but I will never ever become a woman in love. I will never ever become a goddessI prefer to be cyborg than a goddess.